Wednesday, February 8, 2012

We need Prayers

Andrew went back to the hospital on Monday.  My parents were away this time, so are not around to help with Anika. On top of that, we have THEIR dog on top of my own dog and kid. Andrew was in pain all day Sunday,  as I wrote in my previous post. He stayed home while Anika and I were gone all day.  Monday I left Anika home with him, but by 11 AM he was dropping her off to Miss B (who usually does not watch her on Mondays).  He then drove himself to Urgent care.  Urgent care sent him by ambulance to the ER. Same hospital he was in before. When he said he was going to Urgent care, I said that sounded good. I don't know what I was thinking...well, I thought, "Oh good, UC doesn't have a copy like the ER" but now instead of the one copay, we will have UC, ER AND 2nd ambulance in 2 weeks!  YEs, he has insurance, but I mean, they only cover so much. I havent seen any bills yet, but IM getting scared. Very scared.  I am trying to stay positive. When we first got married, Andrew didnt even have insurance for a couple months. I told him to get a private plan, and he did, after some serious persuading. At that time, he was not a Citizen and I was responsible for any debts he incurred while in America! eeks. He just didnt have a concept of the American health system. Its not NZ honey, health care AINT FREE! ha.  So, I am grateful that he has insurance, and good insurance at that now that we need it!!

Anyway, so Monday I asked if he wanted me to come down to the hospital and he said no. He said no all day.  After work Monday, I went home to take care of dogs, house, Anika, etc.   At 8:30 PM ANdrew called. He wanted me to come down.  WTF. ANika was already in BED!  I woke her up, and brought her down. 50 minutes away. He was still in ER.  I brought her in the ergo carrier. She was ok at fist, but then she was just tired. She would cry. I stuffed my boob in her mouth and that worked here and there but she could only use that for so long- she just wanted to be in bed....OR get down. I couldn't let a toddler down in the ER! She would run around touching everything...and probably licking stuff.  yuck.  Andrew was in pain and on meds. He kept snapping at me when she would cry. Then, I would walk out in the empty halls- walk up and down, up and down to keep her happy, hoping she would fall asleep! If she cried, he would snap again that I was bothering others.   The whole reason he wanted me down there was to talk to the Dr and advocate for I wasn't going to leave until the dr. came. I kept asking the nurse, how much longer. I Know I was coming off as a major bitch.   Finally, I gave up and put on my coat and walked out to my car...I was thinking of getting the stroller and trying to get her to sleep in that. Then Andrew called  to say that the dr was there. I walked back in. This dr was way better than the one we had at our last visit. He wanted to start from scratch. All the symptoms are different this time than last time.  This time the pain is in his LOW LOW abdomen. Behind his pubic bone. he said it feels like he got kicked in the testicles, but he didn't.  He also gets dizzy and has passed out.  He has NO bowel issues. He hasn't vomited.  The doctor wanted to examine his privates since the pain was down there. He asked Andrew if he minded me in there, and of course Andrew said it was nothing I haven't seen before. I did turn to a wall with posters on it and was pointing to letters and saying them to Anika.  I mean, it was weird to have Anika watch it.  Then I heard the doctor say "nice. Very nice Testicles here. Yup, Nice testicles" I had to hold my laughter. I was also so happy it was a male. I guess earlier in the UC he had a hot female dr doing the same inspection and he asked for a less attractive dr. lol. I told this  dr. I wanted him prepped for a colonoscopy.  He agreed they would do a colonoscopy and endoscopy. I said Ok, I just wanted to make sure those tests got done IN The hospital this time. We dont need to sit around again for 4 days with nothing being done.  He was referred to a GI dr. as an out patient last time and has an apt. for Feb 16th for that colonoscopy which is too long to wait. I felt ok with what THIS dr was saying, so I went home.  I was definitely a bitch. I was tired, ANika was tired, ANdrew was a sick snappy bitch...therefore I was on the defense. The dr took one look at me when I came back from the car and said "You don't look happy"  ugh

Tuesday. I went to work because SOMEONE has to be working!  I am too afraid to use all my PTO time now,  because who knows how bad this is going to get! Oh, actually, before work, I dropped ANika off at Miss B's and then went and ran at the gym. Sorry, I'm an emotional mess right now, and I REFUSE to give up my exercise. My exercise keeps me sane...and healthy.  And, yes- I NEVER wanted to bring Anika to a germy hospital, but when put into the situations I have been put in...things change. I do keep her close, don't let her down...and Breast feed her as much as I can to keep her immune system strong.  Ive also been drinking my garlic tea daily, all my vitamins, Apple cider vinegar (AMAZING natural remedy but gross), etc.  Anika gets what I hopefully we can stay healthy even though we have to be around sickos. While I was at the gym, I got a call that ANika fell down a few stairs. I had to go see her and she seemed find but her sitter was Very upset. SHe had no signs of concussion, etc. Her eyes were fine and she had coordination. SHe did have a big welt though. She is a crazy wild child.

Tuesday night my friend came over after work to watch Anika and  I went to the hospital alone. By the way, MOST of my friends have been awesome. The ones that live far away have been here for me by phone, email and text. The ones close have offered to watch Anika. Although one friend said she couldn't get out of bed early enough to watch her one day.  That was rude. I thought I was going to touch on my great friends (real and"fake") in this post, but I am running out of time and it will have to wait, yet again. Yesterday, I actually told Andrew I wasn't coming earlier in the day because he was being a dick. I Know he is sick and isn't being himself, so I always planned on still going. I brought him his laptop, magazines, books, clothes, slippers, phone charger, etc.  (I forgot everything the night before).   

After I left, I guess he dropped his laptop on the floor and it is now broken.  He was shocked to see me walk in.  I cant believe he really didn't think I would show up! I spent some time with him and he was supposed to be drinking the prep drink for the colonoscopy, but he was having  a hard time. He was drinking Tiny sips every several minutes. He was supposed to be drinking an 8 ounce cup every 10 minutes. He still had not had a bm when I left last night.  My friend texted around 6:30 and said Anika was falling asleep in her arms! That is WAY early for her.  So, I told her just follow her cues. She did end up sleeping until. My visit with Andrew was hard. He just was not pleasant. I mean, he doesn't yell at me, but he was annoyed with me, therefore, I was annoyed with him.
I wanted to say "UM, do you know how hard this is on ME too?" IM the one taking care of everything else.  This is a very emotional situation to be in.  I left the hospital last night and he told me to stop and put air in my tire. He said he had been putting air in it and that I should get it looked at as well. SO, I stopped in the freezing cold and tried putting air in but it was dark and I kind of gave up. Then as I was driving on the highway I got paranoid so I stopped to get more air. That time, I put a lot in, but I had no idea how much because the gauge wouldn't work.  Then,  I got driving again. AND, I Got PULLED OVER! AGAIN.
THIS time the cop was NOT an asshole.  He asked for my license, and I gave him my debit card. Then it took forever to find the registration. Then he asked where I was coming from. I said hospital. He asked where I was going and I said home to my baby (I throw in baby!) who was with a sitter. I told him my husband was in hospital and he asked why. I said I DONT KNOW!  He also asked what I do for work and what my husband does for work. I answered.  he asked how old my baby is.  He went back to his car and I thought for sure he would see I was pulled over just a couple weeks ago ON THE WAY to hospital, but I don't think he did. When he came back to my car, I think I may have fallen asleep waiting and with the lights Because I kind of "came to" to him asking if I was ok! ha. whoops. He said he knows my car can be fast and hard to keep it in check but to try so I can make it home safely to my baby! HE is not the first person to comment on my car being fast. ITS NOT Fast and it doesn't have all the power people think it does! (its a volvo S60) I just get distracted. He also gave me a written warning and said he decided to save me a few bucks because it would have been $150. I said sorry and thanks a lot and he was friendly.

I got home, chatted with my friend for a bit. She left and I cleaned up. I plopped on the couch to watch A DVR'd Real Housewives, but fell instantly asleep. I woke up on the couch at 2 AM, went up to bed, and Anika cried.

Andrew had the colonoscopy and endoscopy this morning. They found nothing.  A urologist saw him and he doesn't think its a urology issue. He thinks it may be a disc issue and maybe his back discs slipped or pinched a nerve!  Or maybe when he was violently ill, he disrupted something. I have no idea, but seriously, HE CANT COME HOME LIKE THIS! I cant handle it. He hates pain meds so he doesnt take enough of them, and then when he does take some of what they offer, he acts like a weirdo.  Plus, he is still in pain even with the meds, so he would just lay around miserable at home!  This is all adding up- him out of work,  the medical bills, his health in question, not knowing what to do next to fix it, etc. Also, there is no FIRE Wood left, so I am heating the house with propane...which gets pricey in this cold weather.  There is fire wood but he hasn't brought it up from wayy down below our house. I can get fire wood from the shed, but I cant carry it from where it is...not with Anika in tow!
I have cried a few times today because I dont feel equipped to handle these "adult problems"  I KNOW I can deal with Anika on my own, but its harder.
I think I will just bring her with me tonight and stay for a short time.  Also, I think I need a new phone. Mine keeps freezing up and not working over and over all day.  There is a verizon store down in the same town as the hospital.
Ill keep you posted friends. Please pray for answers!
And to end this sad post on a happier note, Anika is doing just fine


  1. Look how cute A is! She looks so big in those jeans and I love her sweater! I'm so sorry you and Andrew are going through this. I can't imagine how hard it is, especially when you can't find the reason. I wish I was closer and could help. But I have been praying for you guys. If it is disk related, have you thought about taking him to see a chiropractor? I don't know if they would be able to help with the stomach issues, but disk issues they could. Just a thought. Thinking of you guys!! xoxo

  2. So sorry this is going on! I am praying for answers and that it won't be too expensive!

  3. SO CRAZY! Keep your head up mama, you'll get through this! I'm so sorry for all of this :( But you are handling it all SO well. I just love every picture of A - her eyes KILL me! Where did you get that sweater? So cute!

  4. You are more than capable of getting through's tough, but keep relying on the people who are there for you and offering to help. I'm so sorry you have to go through this...keeping you all in my prayers. And, just keep looking at A when you need a smile...she's too adorable for words!

  5. Ashley I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time right now. The not knowing part is the worst. But you are so strong and so able to do this! You got this girl! I know that it's easier said than done, but you'll look back at this and be so proud of yourself :-)
    Praying for you guys :-)

  6. Oh,Ashley. I am SO SO sorry! You guys will be in my prayers!

  7. Ashley, so sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time - STILL:( I can't imagine how stressed, exhausted and just plain worried you are right now - but know that your friends and family are praying for you and are there for you and things will get better - I will pray they get better FAST!! And don't forget - you don't need to be superwoman! So let your family and friends help you as much as possible and don't forget to take time for yourself (like keeping up with the gym - very smart) to keep you healthy - mental health is just as important as physical! Hugs and prayers. Keep us posted if there's anything we can do for you!

  8. Sending prayers your way. Hoping you get answers and Andrew get better SOON!