Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Can you Believe Im posting this??

First, THANKS for all the sweet emails and comments about my last 2 posts. I know the last one was long, but I wanted to get it all down and recorded. I even forgot stuff I have added since I originally posted. Andrew is home and feeling better, but still waiting for answers and waiting to get into the specialist.  I will keep you posted on what we find out.

I have been discouraged about my weight loss lately. I haven't lost any weight in a month!   I didn't work out for SIX days last week due to Andrew being in the hospital.  I could definitely tell when I got back to the gym on Monday.  I was feeling down and I found some old pictures I took. I am so happy I HAVE THESE, otherwise, I seriously would have forgotten about how far I have come.  I am currently down 58 pounds since the day I had her.   I have a long way to go, but I have to look at where I WAS, and that helps me look to the future!
I don't even have a photo of my bare stomach RIGHT after I had Anika. I wish I did. I do have one of my back side, but I cant find it anywhere. Andrew snapped it without me knowing when I was walking away holding the baby, topless.  Maybe I deleted it?

THIS first picture was taken the first day I went back to the gym after having Anika-IT was 6 Weeks post partum.
AHHHH- SO Scary.

The 2nd picture wasn't 32 weeks PP but 36 WEEKS PP. I Messed it up but cant figure out to fix it.  Also, the coloring looks different. The first photo was taken during the day time (our bedroom has a big sky light and another window) and the 2nd photo was taken at night with lamp lighting. Big difference in lighting.
I didn't have stretch marks until the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy (40 weeks-42 weeks) when she dropped VERY fast and left those beautiful marks on me. I thought for sure they were there to stay!
BUT...LOOK- they are GOING AWAY!!  I haven't put ANYTHING on them. I am so pleasantly surprised.
I hope to have EVEN BETTER Pictures by this summer!  My original GOAL was to be at my goal weight by Anika's 1st Birthday. That is about 15 more pounds to lose.   THEN,  I will reevaluate.  I definitely want to lose 15 more before getting pregnant again.

AND, the side shot ...I still have a baby pooch from the side.

AND, me at 36 weeks post partum looks the same as ME 14 WEEKS preggo below...
At least my mirror was cleaner AFTER having a baby! That is sad.  But, our bed is not made in EVERY picture. That is also sad since we used to both make our beds before we were married! whoops. I also wish I had belly shots BEFORE I was pregnant or at least before 14 weeks pregnant, but I dont. WHOOPS.

I don't know how long I will leave these up here, but  I do want to share this journey to getting my body back. 
Has anyone else had a hard time getting their body back? 

Monday, January 30, 2012

Hospital Stay, Part 2

Sorry it took me so long to come back and fill you in.  I am going to pick up where I left off.
Wednesday Mid Morning:
For the first part go to previous post. 
So, I left work and went home to find Andrew still violently vomiting and just kind of out of it. I had to help him to the car and he had to vomit in a bucket on the way from our bedroom to the car.  He wasn't even able to talk to me in full sentences. He looked like death. I even said "are you going to go looking like that?" but I realized that was the last thing on his mind. (he was in baggy wind pants, High tops and a flannel shirt). He looked frail and just sick.   I took the back roads to get to the highway from our house. About a 20 minute ride. I was planning on taking him to the same Urgent Care he went to on the previous Friday which is affiliated with C hospital.  It is about 45 minutes from our house. I thought urgent care  was best so we could avoid an ER copay. It seemed to take FOREVER to get to the highway from our house. It seemed like we got behind every slow truck or car. Andrew was either "passed out"  or breathing very funny. He was moaning and just making weird noises between getting sick. I asked him why he was breathing like that and he just responded "huh?"  He isn't one to moan and make a big fuss. ME? Maybe I would. lol, but not him. At this point, I was getting nervous, but I was also still thinking about work. I had been working on something with my boss and I was kind of nervous about getting in trouble for leaving.  I cant handle puke sounds and every time he would throw up in the bucket I turned up the radio. I had my window down because the smell and sound were just bad.  He kept turning my heat off but he would miss the dials when he tried to swap at it.  He was just not right. 

 He would put his window up and down. He would even shake at times.  When I got on the highway I started to gag.  It was sunny and I put my hand up to block the view of him getting sick. I was GAGGING a lot. At one point, I felt the throw up come up in my own throat, and I grabbed for another little bucket I keep behind my seat for trash.  I did lose a little.   In my last post I mentioned how I learned some things about myself I wasn't proud of.   Well, the things going through my mind were not great.  I was scared of what was wrong with him, but I was also thinking "Ugh- when this is all over, he owes me!"   yes, I kept thinking how sucky the situation was for ME!!!    Yes, I was that asshole.  I wasn't showing sympathy at all.  I was even saying "Maybe if you would eat better when on the road you wouldn't have all these stomach issues, etc"   
I would even look at him in disgust.  I knew my feelings were bad.

Then, I remembered something my friend A told me.  I met her about 6 years ago. She had overcome cancer and was currently in remission when I met her.  She had a few health issues at the time, but mostly was doing great. She was working (I worked with her) and she had not worked for a long time before that, due to the cancer.  One day when talking about her past cancer and her marriage, She told me how her husband said she OWED him for the whole time she was sick, now that she was healthy again. She owed him to start making money again to contribute.  She owed him in many ways, like she would have to do all the shoveling that winter since she was unable to the year before.  As well as other chores and contributions to their house.  His attitude was that SHE OWED him since he had to pick up so much of the slack while she was sick. I was engaged at the time, and  I remember thinking, WHAT an ASSHOLE!  HE cant possibly expect her to "Pay him back" now that the cancer is gone because that is his DUTY as her husband- To take care of her for BETTER AND for Worse. Sickness and health.  She agreed and it made her angry that he thought that way.  After a while, the marriage ended. A moved on. She had been married almost 10 years, but started dating again. She found someone else great. Then, the cancer came back. It took her life when I was 9 weeks pregnant with Anika.  I remember thinking back then before I was married that a spouse just steps up and takes care of the other if they were to get sick. No questions asked and no repayment was necessary. The conversation I had with her several years ago played over in my head on the ride to the hospital. My selfish "Me Me" thoughts needed to step down and I knew that.

I think A came into my life for many reasons. She was a great friend. She was older than me and she taught me a lot. She was also VERY educated and taught me a lot about work.  She also was a foodie and a shopper and taught me a lot about those things too. BUT, most importantly,she taught me a lot about life.  When my own selfish thoughts of  "Andrew owing me" after he was better came into my mind- I Stopped.  I am his wife. He is sick- its my job to take care of him and expect NOTHING in return.  Sure, I gag at the sound or vision of throw up or poop (except Anika- I can handle hers).   I could NEVER EVER be a nurse. I'm not the nurturing type- except for Anika. and even with her, I KNOW I could do better with the nurturing and affection with her. Even Andrew makes jokes about it...and my mom says stuff too.  So, while i was holding down puke and trying to get my selfish thoughts out of my head- I saw the blue lights behind me.  I was getting pulled over.

Andrew didn't say much because he couldn't.  The cop came up and came to my window. He asked if I knew how fast I was going. I said no. That was the truth. He said I was going 90. Then he said 89.  At this point, tears were coming out of my eyes but I think my big sunglasses covered them. He asked for my license and registration. Then, he looked over at Andrew and said "Do you have an emergency here" I said kind of.  Andrew was leaned over with his head on the dash board with the bucket under him- not even looking up at the cop. He was NOT wearing a seat belt (its not a law here but he would have been wearing one if he wasn't so sick).  The cop said "Look, he doesn't have a seat belt on and he could have gone through the windshield with you driving so fast"  Then he asked what was wrong with Andrew. I said "He is sick and IM taking him to the hospital"  I was able to get my license for the cop, but my registration was in the glove box and Andrew couldn't open it. My car is small and the passenger seat is VERY close to the dash board because of the car seat usually being behind it. Usually Andrew is NEVER a passenger in my car because he doesn't fit, but he had no choice that day.  The cop looked at my license. By the way, he had a smirk the whole time. He was so odd.  He asked if we still lived in the town listed on my license. I said yes. HE THEN, asked why were were going to C Hospital and not L or F. I told him I had called Andrew's doctor (PCP) at a clinic that is next to L hospital and affiliated with L hospital and his PCP said NOT to bring Andrew in but to bring him to a hospital if he couldn't keep anything down. The PCP said "Don't bring him to our hospital though because the ER is full. Bring him to another hospital" 

  I will also note here that I had called Andrew's PCP before I left work before I Knew how bad Andrew was, hoping he could get an office visit because I suspected Andrew had something else. Not just sick. BUT, since the norovirus has been rampant, the dr just assumed it was norovirus.  I then said "well, he works with lead so it could be lead poisoning" but as  I said that, I googled symptoms of lead poisoning and it didn't match. The dr also said that. Then I just spurted out that Andrew's mom died of colon cancer.  At that time the dr just said not to bring him there. I was irate. I thought he was Refusing to see Andrew.  BUT, I later found out that the Dr. called ANdrew and told him his wife was worried and to get to an ER even if by ambulance because they had no way to hook him up to IV fluids at the clinic.  Since I have learned that the Dr called ANdrew and told him that, I'M not AS mad as I was.  But, I still think his PCP is useless and has been in the past. He needs a new one.  By the way, Andrew's mom did die of that, but it is not his birth mom, so the history isn't relevant, but I just wanted to be heard.

Back to the cop. So, I told the cop L hospital was full. He looked at me and LAUGHED! And then he said "What about F hospital" (Both L and F are both closer to us then C but L is known to be shitty and F is known to basically kill people-its a shitty town, shitty school district and REALLY shitty hospital- NO ONE I know would go there).  I told him F hospital never even entered my brain and that was the truth. I forgot it existed. THEN, KNOWING F hospital is shitty the cop said "I KNOW F is not full. THEY are NEVER full. hahaha"  I was like ok, fine.. why is this all relevant?  HE was SOO adamant about finding out why we were going to C!? IT was so strange. Andrew started puking again while the cop was in my window asking a million stupid questions.  HE said I should have called an ambulance then he walked back to his car..and we waited. Andrew groaned that he needed to get out of there asap. I asked him if he wanted an ambulance. he kind of moaned yes and I said "They are really expensive. Are you sure?"  And he said he didnt give a shit. I KNEW THEN that ANDREW WAS beyond sick. I yelled out the window back to the cop (We were on the side of the interstate) and he came back to the car. I asked him if I should call 911 or if he could call an ambulance. He said "You want me to call an ambulance?" all coy and sarcastic. I said yes. Then he asked me a few more times.   When I look back, I think he thought I was LYING about how serious the whole situation was.  I ALSO think he might have thought Andrew was withdrawing from drugs or something because he did look like a drug addict- all skinny, frail, messy hair, bad clothes, unresponsive, etc.  I mean- as far as ME!? I was in work clothes driving a fucking Volvo with a baby seat base and alphabet hanging in the back. I didn't look like a drug addict. BUT, maybe I did since I was crying and my make up was running down my face.  So, we waited. 

 While we waited, I looked at my phone. My friend Natalie had texted and I responded to her and then told her what was going on via text.  I told her the cop was writing me a ticket because he said he was.  Natalie is a new friend of mine and we "met" through unconventional circumstances which is for a post ALL within itself. I have been wanting to write it for some time, but I will do it separate from this one.  I was crying because I was scared for Andrew and I was mad at the stupid cop for not just letting us go on our way! ANd for thinking I was lying! That really pissed me off.

The ambulance came. I recognized one of the EMT's. Awesome. He is younger than me but I went to school with his older sister.  He didn't recognize me and I'M sure he didn't know my married name. BUT, I have seen him at my gym a few times more recently.  The other EMT tried to help Andrew out of the passenger side, but Andrew really needed help. BY THAT time, the Cop came back to my window but I ignored him while talking to the EMT who was on the passenger side. He asked what was wrong with Andrew and I said he has been sick for 8 days (I left out the part that he was fine for 3-4 in between). THEN The cop piped up "IF he's been sick for 8 days why are you just going to the hospital now?" I Said he went to urgent care on Friday and was sent home!  When he asked why we were going to the hospital further away if it was such an emergency, I also told him I had been VERY busy at work and when I came home to check on him, I had NO idea he was as bad as he was. I explained more about Andrew to the EMT and they guided him to the ambulance. THEN, I turned to the cop and he said this "Ma'am, I Just called the L hospital and they have plenty of beds. Why did you lie to me?"  ME: Crying, "Oh my God. are you kidding?  I didn't LIE! His PCP told me that- his name is Dr soandso at the L clinic and you can call him!"   I was watching my husband in an ambulance that was right in front of me and this asshole was insistent that I was up to no good!  WHY THE EFF does it matter what hospital we were going to? I was speeding. Why does it matter if we were speeding to L or F or C!? He was the MEANEST Cop I have ever met and even worse than the one from the fire at my house.  I know you are probably thinking "What does Ashley do to cops to piss them off?" I HAVE no idea. I am respectful and usually crying. I am the most submissive person when it comes to people of authority so i have no idea.
The cop tossed my license at me through the window and said he decided not to give me a ticket. I THINK he changed his mind when he saw me dealing with the EMT's and I THINK we might have mentioned that Andrew works with chemicals at work and we wondered if that was causing his sickness.   In hindsight I should have just answered "We use C hospital" plain and simple. None of his business.  AND,  when he ended up getting admitted I was so glad we were in C and not F or L. HOWEVER,  his care ended up being pretty shitty anyway. By the way, I had ANika at C hospital. It is rated "Baby Friendly" by Unicef and the World Health Organization.  They are the only hospital in the stae with that recognition. Their intervention rate is low and they are the best hospital in the state for breast feeding moms. I would never diss the Baby ward. Hell, even the ER was great. But where Andrew got admitted, not great. I don't know if we can blame the hospital dept or just the dr he had though.

After the cop left, I sat behind the ambulance. They weren't moving!  I needed to call someone. My mom wasn't answering. I called my dad and he told me to "hurry up" when I tried telling him what was going on so I said Fuck you and hung up. Yes, I did. My dad had no idea what was going on but I felt like he was rushing me. I guess he was busy at work. I called my friend Carolyn. She is rational.  After telling her what happened I went and knocked on the ambulance. One EMT stepped out in a mask and asked if Andrew had anything. I said not that I know of.  I followed them to C hospital FINALLY. IT took so long for them to leave because the young EMT couldn't get the IV in Andrew and every time he tried, Andrew would sit up puking.  Andrew even brought his own bucket with him in the ambulance. We never did get that back.

When I got to hospital I waited a few minutes for Andrew to be checked in. I went to the room he was put in in the ER. He was sleeping.  I touched him and he would barely respond, or he would FLINCH like I scared him...most times. He was hooked up to an IV and had a new puke bucket.  A nurse came in and I had to answer all the questions for him. He would try but he got confused.  I know the nurse marked down that he was unresponsive.  I was left alone with him and his monitor would go off often.  The RN asked if his heart rate was normally that low.  His low heart rate would make the machine go off. I told her it is usually low. I put my running heart rate monitor on Andrew a few years ago and I remember his resting heart rate was in the 40's, which is low, but normal for an extreme athlete. Since he is not an extreme athlete they were concerned by this. I wasn't at all.  He is VERY fit. He might not do conventional workouts but he is fit. I saw him play rugby this fall and just pick up like he had been playing all these years- he was the fastest on the field and he didn't even huff and puff like ....oh his brother who even puked from the exercise. Lol.  When he was feeling better he said "If I was a paid athlete for the Bruins, you wouldn't be worried about my heart rate"
They took blood and did an EKG.  Blood showed that his white cell count was high, which means his body was trying to fight something. His blood sugar levels were also high which was unusual since he had not had ANYTHING to eat or drink since the night before. She kept asking if he had just a Popsicle. He said no. ANd i knew he didn't because I know he didn't leave the bed before I got home.
He was on IV fluids and he was NOT allowed to drink. He would wake up and ask me for water. I was only allowed to wet his lips with a little square green sponge attached to a stick. He would try to suck water out and they said no.
I took photos of this but he asked me NOT to post on Internet. I will respect his wishes.
I also kept thinking that I could handle this but if this was Anika, NO WAY. I would break down. I also brought my pump in with me and I pumped several times in his room. ha.  I also kept busy texting and emailing with a few people, including Natalie and Carolyn.  I decided on my own to text Andrew's brother.  ANdrew is private but I thought his brother should know, who also recently did a full wilderness EMT course just because he has an interest in it.  He brought up the pancreas as an issue of why the blood sugar would be high.  The ER Dr. brought in 2 bottles of a smoothie drink. SHe wanted me to get Andrew to drink one whole bottle by 2:30 and then the 2nd bottle starting at 2:30.

The drink was a contrast drink for a CT scan.  UM...how would I get him to do this!?!? It took a LOT of effort. He kept hitting it away or turning his head but I FORCED this drink down his throat.  A lot would end up on his face and neck. 
I put it in that cup with a straw.
I FINALLY got one drink down. I decided to run out to the car and charge my phone because i twas dead.  I was not gone long but when I came back he was awake and said he threw up the whole drink and went to have a CT Scan.  I was thinking what a waste!  They had told me before he HAD To drink the contrast drink to get a clear picture!   Soon after another dr came in. He asked lots of questions that I was answering because Andrew was still low on energy.  Then, he started to pipe up and the Dr. asked me to leave the room.  I have seen House enough times. I knew they wanted to ask Andrew if he had been doing illicit drugs or sleeping with other people.  BUT, I was thinking, dont they know if he is on drugs since they tested his blood?  At one point Andrew was shaking so much that I told him he looked like a drug addict (From what I have seen on TV) and asked him if he was on drugs! ha. I mean, I would think I would know before this point since I'm so nosy and all, but when the Dr. asked me to leave, I got scared that they knew something I didn't. I stood outside the door and listened as best as I could. When the dr opened the door for me to come back in, he was talking about the chemicals Andrew works with and was going to look into all those.  He wasn't on any drugs! haha

I prayed a lot in the room. I prayed that Andrew would get better and I prayed that Anika wouldn't catch it if it was indeed a virus. My mom picked Anika up from daycare and brought her to the hospital. I didn't want her in with all the sickos, So I went out to the car to feed her and I had something to eat. While I was gone- Andrew got moved to the main hospital. By that point he had 3 bags of IV fluids and was responsive and talking lots. He was also on pain meds and anti nauseous meds. 

My mom took Anika to her house and I stayed with Andrew until late and then drove the hour ride to my mom's. I slept in my childhood bedroom. My mom had picked Piri up from my house earlier as well as stuff for Anika like nappies and food.  Anika was in my parents room in her crib when I got there, but my mom brought her to me around 1 AM when she woke up and I fed her in bed and we slept like that until 6 AM when I left and went back to the hospital. I had no clean clothes and only a skirt, nylons, boots and cardigan from day before. I went through my old closet and found purple sketchers from high school. And, draw string pants from Sophomore year when I was chunkier...I thought they were abercombie, but Now I'm thinking Urban outfitters...not sure. But when Andrew saw me walk into his room, he said they looked painted on! Lol. AND the pockets kept popping out because they were too small.

Sorry, this is getting so long. I probably have lost most of you.  Thursday I stayed all day with him.  They did more heart tests that came back perfect.  His average heart rate on Wed. night was 37. But, normal for him. A surgeon the night before had told us the CT scan showed liquid in his belly that shouldn't have been there, but then later we were told that was nothing.  HE had a hiatal hernia at the bottom of his esophagus and top of stomach, but that shouldn't be causing all the sickness and could be fixed with a simple surgery. He also got diagnosed with GERD (bad acid reflux) but that shouldnt be causing the extreme sickness either.  He was not allowed to eat still. He ended up not eating anything from Tuesday night until Friday night.  They were trying to give his GI system a break.  The ER dr said they were going to do a colonoscopy but the hospitalist said no. It could be done as an out patient. We wanted it done in the hospital though. I dont know why they wouldnt.  One friend told us they can get more money for it if done as an out patient.  All of Andrew's blood work was now normal. White blood cells now fine, blood sugar, etc. Even his electrolytes were fine which was surprising after all his dehydration. HE was also on meds to stop stomach spasms. Oh, and on the first night the male nurse (little asian guy we both REALLY LIKED) wanted to give Andrew heparin.  I spoke up and said
"Why does he need a blood thinner?" And the nurse asked if I was a nurse for knowing that. I said "I watch House"  ha. I felt like Andrew's mystery illness was like an episode of House. Most of the people we had seen thought he had norovirus because its going around, but when they found out his symptoms went away and came back and it was lasting so long, they thought that was weird. ALso,  ANdrwe was in the hospital in NZ for TWO WEEKS for the SAME symptoms 8 years ago!   They never found out what it was. AND, Andrew throws up more than anyone I know. He is always telling me he has food poisoning or acid reflux that makes him throw up.  Its just odd.  My mom also thought it was a good time to find out WHY he throws up so often.  Also, Norovirus is very contagious and Anika and I have not been sick. AND, Andrew hasn't been around anyone sick that we know of.  When I told them we had a baby at home who hasn't been sick, that made them think it wasn't noro as well.   I mean, I know they say breast feeding helps the immune system...but really? That much?
Anyway, so the heparin shot. I asked why he needed blood thinner and they said it was protocol for patients admitted since they will be lying in bed for so long!  Um...NO. Andrew was now able to move and talk. He wouldn't be a vegetable not moving.  My Gram got the same shot when she was in the hospital for her heart and it made more sense for her to have it, but not Andrew. The next nurse who came even said it was a good Idea to decline it because Andrew didn't need it. Its a shot in the stomach. yuck. WTf. Its just one more thing in the medical field where they treat people the same instead of on a patient by patient basis.

I stayed all day Thursday. I was supposed to have a ski race that night. Andrew wanted me to go.  After discussions with my mom, I decided to meet her there at 5:30. The mt. is 25 minutes from my house. I met her and my friend Nicki there. I did my two runs and then took Anika home.  I got stuff done at home and put Anika to bed.  Andrew called me that night around 9 and he was very angry. He told me he was sick of being there and they weren't doing anything. He had ripped his IV out and took his heart rate monitor off.  I wasn't sure if he was really frustrated or if he was feeling too cooped up like prison.  OR, if he was going coo coo because he had not had food in so long.  But then he was going on and on about money and how they were trying to keep him there and do nothing to make money. I mean, I know money is a concern for him, but he seemed irrational, even for him. Then, he said how he scared the nurse and such. I had seem him with nurses while I was there and he was VERY nice to them and Even joked around with them.  I told him he was being crazy and he was scaring me. He told me he was checking himself out and would wait in the ER for me to pick him up in the morning. He didn't want me to wake ANika up and it was snowing and the roads were bad.  HE then started to whisper that his head didn't feel right and that he was gong to snap.  OK...this was too much. He was really scaring me. I told him I was going to call the hospital and talk to his nurses. He wanted me to do that because he said he was scared too.  I told them I have been with my husband for 7 years and I have never heard him act like this. I said i was scared and this wasn't his normal behavior. They asked if he drinks. I told them he is a social drinker. He only drinks in social situations. I guess they were suspecting he was a dry drunk going crazy. I asked the nurses to check into the side effects of all meds he was given.  ANdrew never takes meds.  Actually, as a family, we really don't.  The nurse said they were going to try to sedate him but that he is refusing all meds. I said I can understand that because he doesn't feel right and he is afraid the meds are causing him to feel that way. 
I called him back and told him to just go to sleep and not to cause problems or they would put him in the psych ward. (They didn't tell me that, but I could tell they were nervous too).  He told me he felt bad for scaring his nurse.
The next morning I HAD To go into work.  I had stuff I Needed to get to the right people.  Andrew called me around 10 and told me that NO ONE- not ONE nurse or dr. had been into see him since the night before. THEY were avoiding him? He said he smelled so bad and really wanted a shower.

OH and at this same time, I got a call that our new washing machine was being delivered to the house in 30 minutes!  We got a new washer and dryer a month ago, but the washer doesn't do a few things we wanted, so we bought the next model up and have to return the old one once the new one arrives. They were supposed to come with the new one LAST week, but the delivery truck said my driveway looked too "SHINY" for him to get up.  THIS week, It really was "Shiny" and icy from weather. My mom went and sanded the driveway for me the day before but then it snowed and rained again Thursday night and Friday it was raining (and freezing).  I had Andrew's truck at home so I figured I could go to the bottom of my driveway and meet the delivery truck if needed. I got home and started picking ice off Andrew's cover on the back of his truck to roll it up.  The delivery people came- and delivered. Then, my parents showed up (My mom had Anika) and my dad helped get the OLD washer all secure in the back of ANdrew's truck and I had to take it back to HD RIGHT away in order to get our money back. My dad came with me and my mom followed in case I needed help getting it out of truck. IT had to be brought back clean and unscratched and I know Andrew as worried about being out $700 if it wasn't returned right, so I took care of that and got the credit.   THEN, I continued south to the hospital because he needed me there as well.  Oh but I had to sit and pump first and eat because I had done neither all day. I also got to see Anika for a minute. My mom also had gone to my house and got all her dirty nappies and cleaned them all for me.  
When I got to the hospital I asked about what meds he had been on. I googled them and SURE ENOUGH, the medicine for stomach spasms (Bentyl) had the side effect "confusion, hallucinations, unusual thoughts or behavior"
WTF?  I told the nurse on duty and she acted surprised and went to look it up on her own book or whatever. Then the dr came in with her (SAME Dr. we had Thursday) who didn't care about anything and wouldn't order any tests.  I told the Dr (HE had heard about Andrew's "episode" the night before  and even that morning he came in and when Andrew was trying to tell him he felt like he was going to snap the night before, the Dr. ROLLED his eyes at him and wouldn't listen).  When I told the Dr. the side effects he said "Oh, I didnt know that. I don't prescribe it often"  It was obvious the new nurses had been told about his behavior and they were weary of him. Luckily, we were able to make peace and Andrew was doing well so he showed who he REALLY is.  Andrew was also being cheaky with me...and kept trying to get me to put my hands under his sheet. lol. I knew he was feeling better, but God, he smelled. We had the nurse help him to the shower down the hall. about effing time.
Andrew was also not taking any pain meds because he felt they were trying to mask his problems and he wanted to be able to feel his body and know what was going on. Which I understand- they just want to give drugs drugs drugs, but not find out what the hell is causing him these issues!  HE had headaches all weekend as well and would get dizzy and nauseous.
I stayed the rest of the day and Finally he got to have dinner Friday.  HE ate but had to stay the night to make sure he held it down and he also had to have a BM before he could leave.
He got to come home Saturday evening.

HE hasnt gotten sick but he still has stomach cramps and on and off nausea.
He was referred to a GI doctor and we are tying to get him an apt. ASAP.

This is already so LONG and I feel like I'm missing so much, but I did want to say- the LOVE and Support I received from my real life friends (The ones I chose to tell) and my blogging friends is SOOO appreciated.  Also, my mom really saved the day, but she always does :) THE love from an on line mom group I belong to was also just amazing. I want to talk about this group in more detail in a seperate post.  I told Andrew he needs to be very grateful for all the prayers and positive thoughts he received from my "imaginary friends" this past week.  You know he is skeptical about the Internet life, but I think he is coming around...slowly :) Especially when my readers or mom group friends would suggest things it may be, etc.
I will continue to keep you posted.

I have a few great posts coming up and I just hope I find the time to write them. Its been so hard to find time lately.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Rough Week: Hospital

I have been MIA from reading blogs and writing my own.
Andrew has been in the hospital.  I took him Wednesday around 11 AM.   He was sick LAST week. HE came home from work Wednesday morning throwing up. He was sick until Friday. The bowel movements were also an issue. Friday he drove himself to Urgent care to get IV fluids since he had not ate any food or been able to keep anything down. He was told it was probably norovirus that is going around. We thought this was odd since no one we knew had been sick.  I slept on the couch anyway Wed-Friday and I had him not touch Anika's toys, food, clothes, etc.  Friday  night he felt better and I went back to our bed.  

 Saturday and Sunday he still had some bowel issues but no more throwing up. We went out and did stuff. HE acted fine. Monday he went to work. Tuesday he was home from work anyway and cleaned the house and then picked Anika up.

 Tuesday night I woke up and heard him throwing up in our downstairs bathroom. He told me it was his acid reflux, but I knew it wasn't.   Andrew was supposed to take Anika to a chiropractor appointment Wednesday Morning and then keep her for the day. We have to pay Miss B no matter what, but Andrew wanted to keep her. Come Wednesday AM, and THAT was not going to happen. There was no way he could even move from the bathroom or our bed with a bucket (yes, we have a puke bucket). I took A to her apt. and then took her to Miss B's house. I called home around 10 AM from work and Andrew sounded bad! He couldn't even really talk to me. I went home and he was in bad shape. He Could barely move.  He was also just non stop puking. I helped him to the car and wanted to drive him to the same urgent care he went to the other day.  It is 50 minutes from us.  Oh, I will mention- I called his doctor from my work before I went home. His dr assumed it was rotovirus and said NOT to have him come in, but to get him to an ER, But not THEIR ER because it was full.  That was fine because that ER is not a great one. I just had a feeling it was something more, so I mentioned lead poisoning since Andrew works with lead, but its not that and I knew that. A.) his levels are checked often and B.)  the symptoms for lead poisoning are way different (I googled it).  I was just saying it to try to get someone to talk to me.  I also even said how his Mom died of colon cancer. Ok, so his mom is not his bio mom, but I was just trying to get somewhere. I guess his dr. called Andrew himself (After I called my mom and said how useless he is and DENIED to see Andrew). His dr. told him that he needed to get himself to an ER, even if by ambulance. I didn't find this out until way later that his dr. had even called him.   I think his dr. is pretty useless, but I am having a hard time finding doctors who are taking new patients!

On the way to the hospital, Andrew was puking. It smelled like DEATH in my car.   Every time he would make those noises and I would hear it hit the bucket, I turned the radio up and put my window down. He was turning my heat on and off. and on off. He was shaking. I was gagging and then I could feel the puke coming up from me...not because I was sick- because I was grossed the Eff out.   I reached for my trash bucket.. THEN, I was getting pulled over.  THE COP was an Insane asshole. 
I will have to continue this story later because I have to go. I thought I was just going to tell you why I have been MIA, but then I got writing this all down. I actually have a lot to say- NOt just about his sickness and all, but stuff I learned about myself while caring for him. SOME are even ugly truths I feel ashamed to admit.
There is a lot that has happened since then, but I will just say , he ended up being transported by ambulance from the highway.  HE is still in the hospital now and we still don't know what is wrong. Its horrible.  He is at least responsive now and yesterday, unlike Wednesday.
To be continued. Sorry.

Monday, January 23, 2012

My 10 Month old Ski Racer!

MISS ANIKA,  I CANT Believe my bub is 10 Months old!
You have been one busy little girl.
You were walking a little on your 9 month birthday, but now you are running! 
AND...as of this Sunday- SKIING! haha. Kind of.
ON Sunday, we went over to our local Mt for a fun race sponsored by Mt. D*w.  I have participated in this race MANY MANY times  in the last 20 years. The race has been going on for 21 years.  The race crew said you are officially the youngest competitor they have ever had in 21 years :)   You were just going to watch me race...but, then after my run, we decided to borrow some boots and skis and let you try. Nona hiked up the trail with you in the Ergo. I carried the skis and boots up the chairlift with me.
The boots were a little big, so you had your regular shoes on as well inside the boots! haha
We are in the start gate to the right...You were smiling for the crew taking pics.
"Racer Ready. 3, 2, 1...GO!"
Mummy's legs were BURNING when I had to bend down and help you go the whole way.  IT was a perma squat.  I work my legs a lot too, and this HURT! When we were near daddy (3 or 4 gates from the bottom) I just had to stand up to give my legs a break. When I stood up, I also picked you up and the weight of the skis on your legs must have hurt because you started to whimper, but then before I put you back down, ONE ski fell off! LOL. It went down the course and through the finish and You finished on ONE SKI! :)

As you can see, this was a very easy course. I went very slow ;)
After your run, we went in the lodge to warm up. YOu were happy. This snow suit was Mummy's when I was your age ;) 

We went back out to watch Nona and your cousins race too.

Later in the day, we waited for the award ceremony.
YOU GOT A GOLD MEDAL! ANd, when they called you up, I let you walk up there and get your medal. YOu were ALL smiles- NOT SHY at all! The race crew guys were giving you high five and just loved you and you loved them.  SO, sure you were the only girl in your age group and that is why you got gold!  They also gave you an awesome chair and a sweatshirt.  AND you qualified for the finals that will take place at Mt. Snow in March! Free ticket for us. You really do just go TO ANYONE!  SO friendly ...but a little touchy and other kids don't really like that. haha

Eating your Gold with Nona.  Gold Anika- We like gold :)

AND, MUMMY GOT GOLD for her AGE group as well. I ALSO got best female time of the day :)  I get to go to the finals too.  Too bad I cant get 1st in my other leagues!

Mummy and you- The Gold Girls :)

Cousin K got bronze for her age :) 

So proud of you girls.
I tried to take some photos this morning, but you wanted to take your sticker off and when I wouldn't let you, you just cried. haha

Tonight, we tried again with daddy. I was blowing your belly and daddy got this pic. Daddy doesn't like ANY nakey or remotely nakey pics of you on line...so I just added these circles! lol. BUT, they make it look even worse...but too funny not to post :)
But then I just made this one ...

And, these pictures were hard to get too...Just picked up lenny the lion

Taking that sticker off!

hhaha. It looks like I'm scolding you, but I really wasn't. I'm not sure what was going on but its funny looking.  We generally don't even scold you but try to use positive discipline with you AND redirection works AMAZING!

Well, Miss Anika...you are a JOY to be around.  In the past week, you have started to actually LOOK where you are walking so you walk OVER things instead of just tripping over them. I have seen you step over things and look where you are going :)  You are saying dog, dada, doll, (dada says you say duck)...nona said you said better.  I have heard you say hi and down.  But, one word NO ONE has heard you say is ANYTHING sounding like MAMA!   You wont use a sippy cup and I have tried A LOT of them. I don't know if you cant figure it out or you just don't like them?   You get into EVERYTHING you can.  You love to explore around our house.  You really are such a sweetie and you light up any room. 
You have ZERO interest in TV. I didn't want you watching TV before you were 2, but I have tried a few PBS shows and even the Baby Sign language DVD- and NOPE! You have better things to do than sit in front of the TV!  WILL not do it.  I guess that's ok ;) 
You are still going on the potty when we are home. You eat all of your food by yourself when you are with me.  You love brown rice and chicken that I make. You ate 2 cups of it on Sunday. Chow hound!

You love the spice drawer. It used to be alphabetised.  ITS NOT anymore!! I find spices ALL over the house now.  I taped you getting into the drawer this month....

Sunday, January 15, 2012

SKI races and stuff

 I am back to skiing. I had to take last winter off since I was pregnant with Anika. TOO Pregnant to ski. If I was in early pregnancy, I definitely would have skied.... but probably not raced.   LAST Saturday was my first race of the season. It was also my first time on skis since the winter before last :)  My friend Nicki decided to race again this year.   Andrew, Anika, Nicki and myself all drove up to Bretton Woods.  After I fed and changed Anika, Nicki and I went out to check out the course. We took  2 free runs to get a feel for the snow and skis.  Anika stayed in the lodge with daddy. It was her nap time by then so he put her in the hiking back pack and walked around outside so she could sleep.  
Nicki's friend met us there so he was able to take the picture AND be our coat carriers. In the past, Andrew has carried our coats down while we race.   I was still placed in the highest division for the league....I figured I would have been bumped down after missing a season. There are different classes for different levels of racers.   I was VERY nervous at the top of the course. Like stomach turning nervous. I was wimpy.  I was thinking, Oh great- motherhood made me wimpy!
BUT, once I started the course (and it was an easy course by the way), I felt ok. MY form was a mess, but I ended up coming in 2nd for my division and 2nd out of ALL female racers. I beat a male on my team I ski with...the last season I raced, he beat me twice and I beat him twice. We have a friendly competition, but  HE was not happy about me beating him my first day back. ANika was sleeping during my run but woke up soon after. Anyway, I like to come in 1st, but for being my first time on snow in 2 years...I guess Ill take it. The 1st place girl beat me by 7/10ths of a second, which is a lot in racing, but not So much I cant beat her another day. Basically, I have competition, but beatable competition :)

 After my run...they took my bib right away. I borrowed this race suit for the day, but It was too big in my back. My old suit had its last day 2 years ago.

I put the back pack on after this and skied on the flat area...which was about 40 feet to the lodge. YOu should have seen the looks I got. Like People thought I was skiing the whole mt with her on my back. Ha. Although, I heard in "the old days" people used to do that.  We went in the lodge to eat and then Andrew went out snowboarding for a while with Nicki and her friend while I sat in the lodge with Anika. Actually, we didn't do a lot of sitting because she was walking all over. I was just happy that we were stuck in a ski lodge with a walker and not a crawler. A crawler would have been HORRIBLE. Her hands all over the dirty ground- yuck. Maybe next race she can go to my mom so Andrew and I can ski together, but then again- Its hard for me to leave her for the whole days on weekends since its our only days with her.  I kind of want to find a sitter to come skiing with us. That way, I can still nurse her and hang out when I come in the lodge.
Anika ended up only having a 15 minute nap in the back pack and then only slept 15 minutes on our hour car ride home...with a detour at a bar. I sat in the car with her while the others went in to have a drink. Then, we went in to tell them we were ready to go :)  So...Ya...it was a 30 minute nap day!  I don't know how she does it. She went to bed a tiny bit early that night.
Sunday, Anika and I met Anna and we drove 2 hours south for a baby shower.

Anika getting her finger prints all over the glass table. She was Non stop at this event as well. She was the only kid there (she was invited) so she got LOTS of attention and I had LOTS of helpers to watch her, which was nice.  It was the first time I met the owner of the home.  She is My friend's business partner. She has 2 kids of her own and when I put Anika down to walk, she said "Wow, she walks? I have heard about kids walking at 9 months but I assumed people were lying and I thought it was just a myth. What a freak of nature"  (paraphrased) This bring me to another topic. A lot of moms have made this comment lately about how other moms must lie about what their kids do. Like, that moms lie about their kids sleeping through the night, etc.  I don't get it. Why?  I just assume my friends tell me the truth, and vice versa!  There was a time Anika slept through the night...But, now...she doesn't. I didn't lie about it then and I don't now. She wakes up a few times a night these days. Another mom at the shower had a baby a month younger than Anika and was shocked that Anika ate all her food by herself with her own two hands. (SHe had a plate of fruit at the shower).  Maybe I can credit that to baby led weaning.  She has ate her own solids for a long time because I have always given her that opportunity.  Speaking of that- Anika has great hand eye coordination and does a lot of amazing things with her hands...BUT- one of them is NOT clapping! I have been showing her how to clap since she was born...and she just.will. not do it. She just laughs at me. IT is almost like she is saying EFF you to me because its something I am trying to teach her. She would rather do stuff I don't teach her.  Just like she says Dada, dog, doll, better, down...but NOT MAMA or mum.  I have been saying the word mama longer than any other word. I have said it to her since birth but no. She has no interest in saying THAT word. 
Anyway, I was talking about opportunities.  I also give her the opportunity to sit on her potty whenever I go to the bathroom at home. She has to come with me most times anyway (So she doesn't get into stuff while I'm gone) so...she sits on hers while I sit on mine. She almost always goes when I put her on it. There is NO pressure as I have said. I AM JUST giving her the opportunity when I go. She acts pretty happy to be  on it, so its definitely something she seems ok with. She loves to watch her waste get flushed! ha. Ew. speaking of which, I JUST barely caught her before she was playing in an over flowing toilet in Andrew's bathroom today! I walked down the hall JUST in the nick of time-she was about to get in it, I know! I yelled for Andrew to come clean up his mess and took her away. Maybe if he didn't LINE THe ENTIRE TOILET bowl with toilet paper, it wouldn't overflow.  He said he doesn't want water to splash him when he goes. WHAT.A.BABY.  Anyway, giving Anika the opportunity to go on the potty actually has a name- Elimination communication. I put Anika on the potty to poop WAY before I knew EC even existed though. One of my readers pointed out that it had an actual term!  I used to just put her on because it was obvious when she was pooping and I didn't want to clean a poopy diaper.  EC is not potty training though
Anna and Anika.
ON the same day as my race last Saturday, we ran into someone who needed females for a corporate ski team that races on Thursday nights at a Mt. about half hour away from where I live.  I declined because I have Anika. I mentioned it to my mom a few days later,  and she said she would pick A up from Miss B and bring her to the Mt on Thursday nights. That way, I could feed her, hang out AND do the racing.  My mom said she really wants to see me race since she hasn't in years. Plus, Anika can watch me too! The Thursday night league is a little different. We do two runs on the course and we don't have to go in bib order. Just go do our 2 runs anytime we want between 5:30pm and 8 Pm.   At first I thought it was only 4 or 5 weeks, but it is actually 8, but IM doing it!
This past Thursday night Andrew ended up being home. I left work early due to BAD Roads and bad weather.  (Andrew took my car to get snow tires the next day and now its a super star in the snow).  My friend Nicki picked me up at home and we went to the Mountain.   We don't really know anyone on the other league (yet). It was cold out, so we took one free run, then our 2 race runs and left. When we were getting our bibs, I saw two girls that looked like real racers and I was intimidated.  I came in 4th that night. 1st place beat me by almost 2 whole seconds. That is A LOT.  It will take a LOT on my part to beat her this season, but I NEED to place at least top 3! So, I will be trying hard. I am still getting VERY nervous before each run. Just being at the top of the course gets my heart racing. I dont like that feeling in this old age, but once Im in the course, I feel better.
 Anika getting pulled on her sled.

THIS Saturday, I got 6 inches of my hair cut off! I told Andrew it was a foot, but he said he didn't think that was accurate.  IT is way shorter which I am sad about, BUT its so much healthier looking, which I am HAPPY about.  I found a local farmer's market and stopped by on Saturday. I cant wait to go next week- earlier and with Andrew and Anika.  It is new and every Saturday.   I stopped by Kohls to get some leggings and didn't look at the price of the ones I got...then when I got to the register and they said $36 I was like- WHHAAAT? NO. I went and returned right away. Went to walmart instead. I was rushing around the whole time because I was trying to get home to feed Anika! She was home with dada. 
 I like leggings that are high waisted not low rise. Anyone have a favorite brand of leggings that are not almost $40?
Sunday (Today) I picked up a special cake for the neighbors who called about our chimney fire.  Then I went to brunch with just the girls.
 Andrew was pretty bummed because he loves this brunch place....but we can go next Sunday...or any other time :)  This was a no boys/ no kids brunch. When I got home, we went to the neighbors to drop of  the thank you note and cake, but they weren't there. We left it on their porch! IT was 5 degrees here today. I hope they got the cake because it was not a cheap one!   THEN, Andrew, ANika and I drove an hour for me to look at a GS/Race suit someone was selling second hand.  They are $500 brand new. My old one pretty much disintegrated.  I got this one barely used for $80...but its TIGHT. REAL tight.  They are supposed to be tight...but whoa.   I am not feeling secure in it... I told ANdrew it will fit better next year when I am skinnier and he said I better wear it this year after all that. ha
This is what I wore to brunch :)  When Nicki saw me she said REAL Hippies do not wear fur.  :)

I have tomorrow off :)  I need to take 2 classes at the gym, then home to spend the day with my Little Gal. This weekend was the most I went out without her...ever, I think! It was weird. I missed her lots while out, especially grocery shopping without her. I hated that.  I missed my little buddy, but I was in that town after my hair cut, so it would be silly not to go while I was over that way.  Luckily, she LOVES spending time with her daddy.
Hope you had a great weekend my friends.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

A little Fire

The last fire truck pulling away.
I went to a friends house for dinner tonight and I was planning to write a fun post when I got home...but something else happened. I left my house at 6:15.  I got to my friends at 6:40. At 7ish, I kind of got distracted from the conversation I was in, and started thinking about whether or not I turned off the food I had been steaming on my stove top at home before I left.   Then, I replayed it in my head. I turned the stove off AND  put the pot on a different burner to cool. I was getting anxious, but I told myself not to be that way.  I KNOW I turned it off. I barely use a flat iron and when I do, I go back to the bathroom to check it SEVERAL times.  My parents were always so paranoid about fires. 
Anyway, I FINALLY Got the thought of the fire at my house out of my head. It took some heavy convincing in my mind to make the fire thoughts go away.
And At 7:22 PM, my phone rang it was my dad's cell phone. It was ood becuase my dad usually only uses a cell phone during the days. I had talked to my dad on his land line on the way to my friends about some pictures on line of me racing.   HE asked where I was and I told him, but he knew that. He said THERE WAS A FIRE AT MY HOUSE.
I started to panic..about Piri in the house and yes, about all our stuff! A fire is  a fear I have. I couldnt believe it. I even said the F word in front of Anika and a few of these girls I really dont know.  I dropped my fork I was eating with and picked up Anika to go. My friend J offered to keep Anika, but I had brought NO food (just my boobs) and only 2 nappies!  I ran out to the car and my dad called and it was a chimney fire. I was a little relieved that it wasn't something that was my fault! But, I was still scared.   My heart was racing and I was in that same mode that I was in when I went to the ER with Anika. Half shock, but half logical.  I didn't drive too crazy most of the way home.  I called a neighbor up the street. I luckily had his number in my phone. I asked him to go to my house and call me so I Could give him the combo code to get in Andrew's truck from the keypad. And in his truck was the garage door opener. The spare keys would be no good because the doors are dead bolted.  I go though the garage in and out. 
I could hear my neighbor talking to a fireman about how I was close. When I got close to my driveway I saw all the fire trucks. Four. One was in my driveway. There was a cop arriving about the same time as me and he was pretty much stopped in the road. I figured he was parking there to block all the other traffic. His lights were on, but I wasn't thinking and I just went around him...like half in the ditch, off the other side of the road- NO traffic was coming the other way because the cop car and fire truck had the road blocked up ahead.  I was also pulling up next to a fire truck..but one that wasn't moving but started to move as I was pulling up next to it, so when I saw this Tuck moving, I stopped and just got out of my car.I realized I may be getting in that truck's way.  ANika was sleeping so I contemplated leaving her there...I turned for her, but the cop got out of his car and was telling me to come back. I had no idea what he was saying but I just yelled the baby is in the car sleeping.  I mean- Its a cop? He's safe to watch a baby sleep, right?  I got to my house, got in and got Piri. THERE was NO Fire on the inside of my house.  they checked the basement and stuff- and all set. SO, it was All in the chimney which was easier to put out...and then could mostly work from the outside, but there were a bunch of people inside at the fire too.  I got Piri and couldnt get to where her leashes where (Fire men in way) so I hooked her up out back  outside. They asked to get her out.  
When I got back outside I didnt have Piri...so the cops probably didnt know why I rushed into get her. I went to get Anika, and the one cop started yelling at me telling me I didn't follow orders and acted dangerously.  I was like ok.  THEN, Another cop came up and said he was the other cops supervisor and he really let into me. Telling me I put my daughters life in danger while trying to save my house and I said I was trying to save my dog!  ANd, he said something about citing me with reckless driving, etc.  And I mean, he was giving it to me and I just started crying. I was dealing with  a crisis. My mind wasn't thinking right. Don't emergency people get that? I understand what I did wasn't ideal, but couldn't he have waited a little while to give me a lecture?  WE LIVE very rural, so it wasnt the part about leaving Anika in the car...it was me pulling up next to them. He said he has 2 daughters and he wouldn't have put them in harm like I did, and now I'm just crying my eyes out writing that sentence because I hate to be accused of being a bad mom or not thinking about her safety. Of course he probably would have handled it better- HE IS TRAINED to handle emergencies  and highly emotional situations, right? I'M NOT! I was crying at him and kind of yelling at him. I said "I understand what you are saying, but do you really think yelling and reprimanding me this second is the opportune time?" Also I was holding Anika and she was already probably like wtf, and now this asshole is making me more wound up which she sensed, I'm sure. He also said he received several complaints about my driving (FROM THE firemen blocking my driveway and the cop-not from when i was ACTUALLY driving- just the people that were right at my driveway) I barely call driving 1 mph reckless...maybe trying to pass their parked cars?   It was like 1 mph and I just passed a stopped car and a stopped truck...I was pulling up on the side and out of the road! At least that is how i saw it, but maybe I wasn't seeing right. WHo knows.
Anika was mesmerized by the lights. My dad showed up and I guess the police told him they had to speak to me and he just said "She is excited"  bla. 
OK...happy ending. My house if fine. Need to get chimney fixed, but no big deal considering.  Piri is fine. ANika is fine. Andrew is on his way home. He was 4 hours away.
I'm just so thankful and Thank God it was nothing bad.