Saturday, October 29, 2011

Anika AND MY Costume

It is snowing here. We were on our way to a party and we went off the road near our house. We came 1 inch from a telephone pole! We were even going slow!!  Andrew is pretty upset because my volvo is all wheel drive and has pretty good tires (not snow tires yet, but still-good tires). Anyway, we counted our blessing and decided to turn around and come home. So sad we missed the party. Anika was going to go until The Best Costume was picked and then my mom was going to pick her up. The party was only 5 minutes from my mom's house.  BUT, we are now home...and we are all dressed up....

 I am Audrey Hepburn from Breakfast at Tiffanys if you didnt know.... I had vintage shoes on too but no pics :(

AND, ya, I cant believe my dress is that low!! It didnt look that low when I put it on!! WHOOPS.

Anika's Halloween Costume

Anika went to the library yesterday in her costume for a Halloween Party. Tonight we have a party and then she will dress up on Halloween. BUT, I cant keep this cuteness to myself any longer. CHECK her out! ha

 At library yesterday.

Playing with my bracelet :)

She recieved a Tiffanys spoon as a gfit.

My friend C and I came up with the Idea when she visited us.  I think it all stemmed from Anika's bow wearing. I asked my mom to make a SIMPLE dress with the material I bought....and well, She Made a VERY fancy dress, bloomers, and That hat :)  I put the letters on the sash and hat. They are stickers so I can remove them for her to wear the dress again.

Monday, October 24, 2011

7 Months Old and a video that makes me LOL

(I think this is funnier with sound )

Miss Anika, you are 7 Months Old!! These months are just flying by!!
You have been walking back and forth with your little squeaky wooden wagon. Daddy and I picked it up at one of our favorite 2nd hand stores.  Of course, when I tried to video tape you, you got distracted along the way...but I still captured the main idea of what you have been up to. It might just be me..but, I LOL when I watch this video. Just my 16 pound baby pushing her baby doll in her little push cart.  YES, there is a baby doll in there...that you put it there! Daddy put a blanket in there just in case you fell forward...(the toy is made of wood) We didn't want you to hurt yourself (Again).  You put some of your toys in there...and I noticed the doll was in there...I mean- I UNDERSTAND the logic of pushing your baby doll IS  NOT there...It's a coincidence, but a funny one I THINK.
The one thing that is consistent about you my dear, is that you are NOT consistent. Your sleeping patterns at night are not consistent. Some nights you sleep through the night, and others you are up just 3 hours after going to bed. We do not let you cry it out, but I will wait a few minutes to see if you put yourself back to sleep. Most times, I peek in your room, and you are standing up in your crib. I try to sooth you back to sleep. Sometimes, just feed you back to sleep.
You take a couple good naps at Miss B's house each day.  Daddy and I are TRYING to be better nap givers on the weekends :)

Your food intake is not consistent. Some days you just want to eat Solids all day. Other days, you are all about liquids.  IN the past few weeks, you went from wanting to be fed to wanting to eat on your own (solids). We give you pieces of food every night and you usually feed yourself. You have never choked and you chew quite well. Some days you want nothing to do with nursing and other days you are all about it. You always want to nurse at night though. ha..  You also grind those top teeth of yours with your bottom teeth. The sound of that makes me squirm.  You do NOT eat when you are not hungry, but when you are hungry you will devour lots and lots of food. You still throw up quite often, but I am pretty sure that is because you are so active after you eat.  Last week, you decided you didn't like peas or asparagus (you had like them before) so I added sweet potato and you ate it.  I just have to trick you :) I can also get you to eat if I take a taste and say "Yum yum" and then you trust me...and you will give it another try. I love that about you.  You are reaching up for me and you reach for me when I pick you up at Miss B's or gym daycare. You also recognize other people- like 2 girls from Miss B's house...when we ran into them, you got so excited. You already have some friends and that is pretty darn cute.  So far, I like the moms of your friends too! So, good job Anika. haha

You are Active and everyone says I think it is true. I mean, I have nothing to compare you to, but everyone says we have our hands full....even the ER doctor and nurses.   You are just on the go all the time and into everything. You did visit the ER this month....and I wrote about that 2 posts ago. We do not need to go there again. I was very over protective over you for a  few days after, but I am trying to let you play and do your thing.
You found the toilet paper this month, but I stopped you from unrolling the whole thing. I am sure it is your right of passage as a pre-toddler/toddler, and I am sure you will get the chance to try again. I gave you two baths this weekend so you could play with tub toys. But, during the week, it is showers with mommy still.  That is what we have time for.
Your Daddy and I can just sit and watch you for a long time. You are our entertainment. Watching you learn new things and experience everything just brings the biggest smiles to our faces.
We did your 7 month photos the morning of your 7 Month Birthday before I had to go to we didn't have a lot of time...

Then, a few more the next morning...

BUT, you wouldn't sit still....

Up in the chair...

I decided to video you instead to capture what you were REALLY Like....

Oh, I feel like I have so much more to report on for this month...but I kind of write as we go. You have 4 teeth. You weigh about 16 pounds. You wear clothes ranging in size 3 months (hah- I can make things last) up to the 6-9 month size. 6-9 month clothes work well with your cloth diapers, but the arms seem a bit long. I put you in size 2 shoes and size 3.  You still don't poop a lot. I guess you use a lot of your food as you don't have a lot of waste. Your daddy is the same way...but Don't tell him I wrote that on the Internet :)  You got into the liquor cabinet last week and people said "Like mother, like daughter" You didn't open any bottles of course-Just opened the cabinet.  You still drink breast milk most of the time, but have had some goat's milk and water as well.  You like to play with containers and a wooden spoon while I am in the kitchen. YOu tried to climb up on the dishwasher, but only got one leg up and then you were stuck.  You will stand at the door and watch Piri eat her breakfast and dinner outside...and watch her go to the bathroom. You talk to her while she does all her business. You use my leg ...or any one's leg to pull yourself well as ANY other object you can. 
Daddy gave you some salmon off his plate last week, and you liked was only a tiny bit. I wonder if you will be obsessed with salmon like your mummy :) haha You certainly have gotten used to it... from getting it from being in my belly and breast milk.
Your personality ...I think you are a spitfire. You are charming too. You do NOT give up on what you are trying to do-you are SO persistent!  Noni (My mom) thinks you have a temper at times, but I don't really think so. I think you cry when you get frustrated, but I don't think it is a temper. You are so easy to soothe (most of the time) and that little girl, is a blessing to me. There is NOTHING a little boob cant soothe.
We just love you so much. I know all parents are just in Awww of their babies....and it is no different here. We are in aw....times a million. Your daddy is always telling you how cool you are. When Daddy is gone for the week, you talk on the phone with him. I put it on speaker and he tells you stories and you smile and sometimes will talk back to him. 
  I know many of our friends say they feel bad for us that we have to deal with your activity level already, but we don't really mind. Ok, well I say that now, but I guess I have complained before. lol. I want to be honest! haha. Mommy and Daddy are busy people. We like to be busy and we like to stay you are really just a product of us :)  Auntie C always says "Busy people are the most productive people"  Mommy agrees with Auntie C about that!
This weekend we had no plans going into it...for the first time in a long time. So, we made plans! There will be a separate post later, but you experienced some culture and learned some history!  We love being able to take you everywhere and anywhere.  Watching your face experience so many things and places is so special.

You have a few sets of flash cards you received as gifts. They are in your toy box (Well, you have a toy wheel barrow and a toy basket).  You have taken them out of the package and tossed them all over the floor. I have seen you pick up one card...examine the front and back and then put it back down and pick up another one. Haha. I have watched you do this from afar to make sure they don't go in your mouth. Daddy asked me if they were too old for you, but I said as long as she is just looking at them, she is fine! Most other things go in your mouth though, so I don't know why these don't.  I think the Jumperoo is over. You dont like being confined in there.  Like the swing, time to retire to the basement.
I am sure I am forgetting some VERY VALUABLE stuff, haha, but I will have to edit to add later when I remember them.
I still have my post on milk coming...I know some readers are interested and I know others could care less.  It is like writing a research paper though- I need to make sure my facts and opinions gathered are all organized in a logical manner to present to my readers.
Another cause for celebration....Andrew had his US Citizenship test this morning and he PASSED.  He studied the 100 questions all weekend and they ask 10. He had to get 6 right. He only had to answer 6 because he got them all right! The Immigration officer told Andrew that his wife (ME!) did an excellent job filling out the application and supplying all the paper work ahead of time.  He said I was very thorough  :)  that must be why this whole process has gone a lot faster than we expected. I cant wait for Andrew's swearing in ceremony....well, he has to get approved first, but the officer said there is no reason why he shouldn't. Well, there is ONE little thing that needs to be done because I was brutally honest about a few tidbits, but they should be taken care of soon :)
Hope you all had a fabulous weekend.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Piri -Did she "Lassie" up?

I have a little confession about my first born child- If you don't know- that would be our dog, Piri.
I loved her from the second I saw her on the rescue website.  We treated her like our baby.  I wasn't even a big dog person, but I quickly became obsessed with little Piri. In fact,one of my very first posts was when we decided to adopt her. (2.5 years ago). 
You see, these days, SHE DRIVES ME CRAZY. Ok, I said it.  I know SOO many other new moms to human babies, who had furry babies before the human came along. No one else seems to share these feelings I have. I used to be obsessed with cuddling Piri and dressing her up in one of her 25 scarves. We would wear matching bandannas when we went for walks or runs. Piri has not had on a scarf or bandannas since the day Anika came home with us for the first time.  I haven't even made Piri homemade treats since Anika has been born.  I used to love Piri cuddling with me on the couch or in bed.  NOW- Now she smothers me.  She is CONSTANTLY up in my shit. She will just sit ON me while I am trying to nurse, change, or play with Anika.  I am CONSTANTLY telling her "OFF" and she just doesn't get it. I feel a lot of guilt for this. When Piri used to get away and run through the woods and be missing for hours, I would cry. I would go out driving around and walking down the street calling her name over and over.  She has pulled the same shit a few times since I have had Anika- and I just wait it out until she comes home. Andrew still loves Piri just as much, so that is a good thing. At least she still gets the same amount of love from him! But, I am the one home with her all week and she is just NON stop NEEDY!  I almost like having the gates at the top of the stairs for Anika now, so I can "OOPSY" close it and leave Piri on the other side.  I really hope these feelings pass. I really do. I feel horrible. Anika Loves Piri and Piri seems to love Anika, so at least they have each other! haha

There is something from Monday  night I forgot to write In my previous post.  You see- before Anika fell down the stairs, Piri was barking.  She never barks for no reason. Usually, she only barks when someone is at the house, or there is an animal outside in the yard.  Well, right before I Heard the Bang BANG Bang (of ANika falling) Piri barked and I remember thinking "Oh, there must be an animal outside"  BUT, maybe- Piri was trying to tell me something.  I was telling Andrew on Monday night after we got home with Anika from the ER, that Piri should have "Lassied" up and saved Anika from falling, but when I told him how she barked, he thought she was trying to tell me. I mean, Piri could have used those fangs  of hers and grabbed onto Anika's shirt or nappy to stop her...NO? 
I was telling
DSS this (she thinks her cutie, Louis, rolls in shit on purpose so he can get free baths at daycare-smart pup). And as she put it:  I'll bet Piri was trying to warn you!!!  Piri considers her part of her pack.   So I'll bet A was crawling over to those stairs and Piri was saying "hold up there partner!  mom!  mom!  someone stop this small 2-legged thing from crawling to the stairs!"

I would like to think DSS is right. That Piri was trying to warn me or stop Anika.  I wont lie- it did enter my head that maybe Piri got jealous and pushed her, but I know that is just horrible. She would never do that.  She has been nothing but gentle with her since the day she came home.

I may not have a lot of patience for Piri these days, but I am going to take her for an extra Long walk this weekend (HER favorite thing to do) and slip her some special treats :)

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Anika's Trip to the ER and a guilty mommy

SOME Of this post was written when I couldn't sleep last night and some this morning. I have calmed down a lot, but no matter how many people tell me "These things happen to every kid"  doesn't help how I FEEL! It never happened to me as a kid and  I didn't want it happening to MY kid, especially at the tender age of 6.5 months. SHe is a whole 15.5 pounds! She is tiny. Someone told me I cant put her in a helmet- as a joke...but maybe I will!  I want to start by saying thanks for the thoughts and prayers on twitter last night. It helped during our 6 hour visit in the ER. And to my friend L, who I had been talking to on my way home from work 20 minutes before this happened. I called her on my way to the hospital because we took baby first aid and safety together while pregnant ...and I didn't know how to get to the closest hospital and she knew. Also, there is vulgar language below. cant help it. My emotions make that happen. I don't talk to Anika with that mouth, by the way ;)

Earlier tonight my world stopped for a little bit.  My precious baby was hurt and it was because I didnt protect her.  I am crying again just thinking about it and how I was careless. I am sad, I am mad, and I am ashamed. Embarrassed. And I feel like I let my baby down. I hate that she had to go through all of this. I Know she probably wont remember, but I am sure she was so scared.  

I keep replaying everything over in my head.  We got home around 5:45. I parked in our attached garage and started bringing my bags into the house. My gym bag, my lunch bag, my work bag, my laptop, Anika's diaper bag, Anika's lunch box, my pump and then 2 bags of groceries. Anika and I had stopped at the grocery store after work so I could pick up a few things. The main stuff in my grocery bags were things to make Andrew a little care package. He was really upset to leave us early this morning (Monday) to head away for work for the week. More upset than normal. He was going to miss us and I felt bad for him. He hates hotel living and not getting to see Anika every night. SO, I figured out which hotel he was staying at, and I was going to make cookies and send some goodies and a sweet card to him via Fedex to his hotel. Some cute pics of A too. 

 After I put all the bags in the kitchen, I grabbed Anika out of the car and we went right upstairs where I changed her nappy. (by the way, those bags never got put away and her pumped milk went bad sitting there all night). After I changed her nap, She was antsy, so I didnt even put her pants back on. She was just in a nappy, shirt and sweater...and socks.   I had a dress on that was high cut and VERY hard to nurse in, so I took my boots off, my dress off and even my undies. haha- My undies were uncomfortable. I put on my worn out nursing nighty (sans undies) and left my boots and dress in a pile on the floor. I put the undies in the hamper though. I wanted to nurse Anika and then I was going to get her solids ready. I brought her down to the main level of the house and put her down with some toys. When I talked to Andrew a few minutes earlier he told me to check the bulk head. It goes from the outside into our basement and then there is a door from that to the actual basement. He had been in the bulkhead Sunday, putting stuff in our basement for winter. He couldn't remember if he shut it tight and properly. We have a little mouse problem in our garage and basement (I HATE MICE) so I wanted to make sure it was sealed up.  I am paranoid about mice.  So, I left Anika on the floor with toys 20 feet from the door to the basement. THe door is across form the kitchen. When I went down, I shut the door behind me....but as I later found out, it didn't latch, so it was open a little bit!

I was down in the unfinished part of the basement and I could hear the dog running around upstairs.I had already let her out and fed her before I even brought Anika in  from the car. I let her out first because she is really hyper when I first get home.  She gets rowdy when we get home but has never hurt Anika. Anika was sleeping in the car anyway, so that's just what I usually do. Anika loves to watch Piri and usually just sits and watches her with a big smile. So, I was in the basement and I could her them upstairs, and I was just about done checking the bulk head and I here BANG, BANG, BANG- I was like what the hell. My first thought was the dog ...then I thought Anika knocked something over upstairs, then I thought the dog fell down the stairs, but then I heard Anika SCREAM- and as I turned the corner of the unfinished part to to the finished of the basement, she was sitting on the basement floor and the door was open at the top! My heart stopped. Then, I picked her up and she just screamed. I was shaking. I checked her quickly and there was nothing visible.  I called Andrew back and just kept screaming "She fell down the stairs" but he couldn't understand me. I literally yelled/sobbed it 20 times. She was also screaming. I guess he didn't know what happened but he knew she was hurt. He said what came to mind was that hot water spilled on her while I was cooking. I don't know why he thought that.  I don't really remember what happened next- I was frantic. The phone kept ringing (it was Andrew calling me back).  I went to get in the car, but realized I had no shoes, no undies and a worn out nursing nighty so I ran up and put my clothes back on and boots -but forgot undies.  I got to the garage and contemplated driving with her on my lap so I could observe her, but I thought "what if I got in a car accident" so then I thought maybe put the car seat in the front so I can watch? but, I ended up putting her in the back as normal. Every time she got quiet, I reached around and poked her and she would whine. On the road, I called my parents house. My mom was not home, but  my dad answered. I told him and he started freaking out and yelling at me for not being careful.  I decided to go to the closest hospital, although it is known to be a shit hole and not great...but I couldn't drive further! As it was, this hospital was 20 minutes away, but it felt like hours! At one point before I left home, I considered calling an ambulance, but with where we live, I knew by the time it got to my house, (it would have gotten lost too) I could be faster.
My phone rang and it was my BIL. He just finished some intense emt course or what not, so Andrew had called him to call me to calm me down. He kept telling me to pull over and he would call an ambulance because I should not drive that way. I said like hell am I STOPPING and Waiting for someone.  I told him I was fine and he said since A was crying that was a good sign.

I called my friend, L, because I needed help getting to hospital. I Knew there were signs- I had seen them a million times, but they were so hard to see in the dark and I didn't have my glasses. I have a hard time seeing at night as it is...never mind with tears in my eyes. I was getting mad. Mad at Andrew for not checking and making sure the thing was closed, otherwise, I never would have been down there. I DO sometimes spend time in the finished basement, but I have an exersaucer down there for A and I always bring her with me if I am doing stuff down there. (my treadmill, files, crafts, etc).  I was Mad at myself for not double checking the basement door behind me.  I am usually so careful. I FRIGGEN started child proofing my house when she was a month old.  I TOOK every safety class I could. Baby first aid and safety. And Baby CPR. I EVEN went to a class on CAR SEAT safety!  Do you know how many people do that? Not many. I made sure that everything I bought her was rated THE Highest on Consumer reports for safety. Safety this. Safety that. I'm gosh darn obsessed with it at times. I don't use bumpers because research says they cause SIDS. She never had ANYTHING  in her crib until she reached that "Safe" age of 6 months.   I have been ahead on things since she was conceived!  HOW the heck could I let this happen? What kind of horrible mother am I?  My husband sucks for...well just because I need to blame someone else too. If he was home this wouldn't have happened.  Why did my mom not answer her cell phone..SHE NEVER has it on her when I need her. I spend SO Much time, energy, money, etc on making sure my child gets the healthiest start to life- I make sure she gets the BEST foods, the best nutrition. I spend hours researching what foods will not be in her diet and what will.  I have researched from before I knew she was a to have the healthiest pregnancy, a natural birth, the best start to life outside the womb,...I don't take anything lightly when it comes to being her mom. I don't just give her meds and vacs because some ped tells every patient to. My daughter isnt every patient- she is MINE.  I spend my spare time at night washing her shitty diapers so she can avoid chemicals on her skin. I gave up some of my favorite luxuries so we can afford for her to eat an all organic/free range diet. We put MORE locks on cabinets this weekend and MORE gates up around our house. WE BOLTED furniture to our walls so they dont fall on her when she pulls on them...Yes- put huge holes in the walls to keep her safe.    I have tried to give her the best of everything and I let her FALL DOWN THE F*CKING STAIRS!  MY 15.5 pound baby!!
I keep hearing the thump thump and I keep SEEING her fall down, even though I didn't actually see it.  Did she bounce on her head? ON her butt? She landed on her butt though. Did she just crawl off the edge and just flip?  The thing is, I have ENVISIONED her falling down stairs before. I have seen it happen in my head which is why I am usually so paranoid. I just feel horrible. She had to be exposed to radiation and sick people...because I failed to keep her safe!
OK, That was last night and I am back this morning. I read some of that and it does seem a bit dramatic, but I'm not editing it because that is how I felt.
I will fill in the rest. SO, I got to the ER and grabbed A out of her seat and ran in. I had grabbed her bag but it had her dirty nappies in it because I had just gotten home. I hoped there were some unused ones in there (there ended up being ONE).   I ran into the front and rang a bell thing and this triage person came over. By the way, Anika still had no pants on. I was still frantic. They sat me down and checked her stats, etc. SHE had stopped crying and get this- SMILED at the lady. Oh yes. She was acting all fine and I appeared to be the coo coo. We sat there for 20 minutes and they checked us in. Anika just sat on my lap- not antsy like normal. I told the nurses or whoever, that she wasn't acting normal. She never sits still like this. The lady asked if she had eaten? I guess her bp must have been low? After examining her, they said there was a long wait and to go wait in the waiting room. What? ew.  Anika started reaching at my breasts then. She was hungry. I went past the waiting room and was looking for a bathroom. I had this high neck dress on..usually I just pull my boobs out the top of my dresses sand shirts.  One nurse asked if I was tyring to change her. I said no- I need to feed her. SHe looked at me confused and  then said "Like...breast feed her?" YES! The lady said "sorry, we don't get much of that in here"  Um, ok. So she found an empty room with a chair and bed and said I could go in there. I ended up ripping my dress down to get my boob out. What a bad choice of clothes!  I would have lifted it up, but then if someone came in the room they would have seen my box and ass rather than just a little boobage. And my stretch mark scars.  Then, my phone rang. it was my dad. He said he was there, but he was going to wait outside because there was a lot of scum in the waiting room. My dad is a worse germaphobe than me.  I told him he could come to the room I was in. I walked out and saw him and he came in. I had a blanket to put over me...I may be open when it comes to bfeeding, but I don't need to sit in a small room with my dad right next to me exposed...even if I am sobbing on and off. My dad told me Andrew was on his way from 3 hours away. My dad called him to tell him to drive safe while we were sitting  in the room. My  dad said my mom was close by at my niece's swim team thing but couldnt get in touch with her.  She finally answered when she was almost home (my parents live 40 minutes from the hospital) and my dad told her what was going on and I could hear her "Oh, Ashley. SHe needs to be careful. She needs to keep her eyes on her at all times. bla bla bla"  LIKE, I DIDNT KNOW THAT?!  We could now see the huge bumps on A's head, but she was in pretty good spirits. By the way, my mom was much nicer to me on the phone when talking to me than the convo I overheard her having with my dad.  A was cuddly which isn't normal, but the triage nurse had said probably because she sensed my emotional state. Whatever. I did just get an email from baby yesterday that at this age they can sense emotions and may react when they see someone cry. Seriously- I just read that Yesterday in an email. I tried to calm down for her. And, when I did- She got antsy again back in the waiting room. That may have been because I wouldn't let her down or touch ANYTHING in that nasty place. There were sickies every where. Anika, my dad and I were as far away as others as possible. Weird people kept talking to us. We heard this lady cough and I grabbed one of those masks to put on Anika. It didn't work.
I was asked several times how it happened, and how far the fall was, how she landed, etc, but never felt like they questioned that it was an accident. I know I have heard about people getting drilled because they want to make sure there was no abuse. 
 I was soo thirsty. I had no water and nursing makes me thirsty all the time. I drink a gallon of water during a work day and that doesn't seem like too much.  I was thirsty, I was hungry, I was drained. And, Andrew came walking in. My dad left and Andrew took over.  I was mad at him still. Not sure why, but I just was. I mean, only hours earlier I was so excited to make him a care package because I was so sympathetic towards him and loved and missed him.   Now? It was just weird. I went to nurse again in the bathroom to calm her down because she was getting fussy again. We waited and we waited and finally we were seen. They examined her and the physician thought she needed a CT scan. Andrew didn't want to because of the radiation, but I wanted to make sure there were no head injuries. I just COULD NOT imagine that she fell THAT hard and THAT far and walked away with a couple bumps. I just couldn't accept that yet, but I started to. Andrew mentioned his mom watching over her. There was no time to research the cat scan options- although I tried via twitter (Thanks M).  They told me to take off her clothes and wrap her in a warm blanket. We got to the scan place down the hall and we went in. They started to put her in a straight jacket type thing and pin her head down. As you can imagine, she FREAKED. They said one of us needed to stay in with her and asked which one wanted to be exposed to radiation. Andrew said he would....and I kind of just went along with it because he can get her to smile and laugh a lot better than I can. HE is wayyy calmer than me and I knew my nervous energy would not help her.
  He had to lay on table and they escorted me out. I Heard screaming. SCREAMING. IT went on and on. I knocked on the door and yelled that I could nurse her to sleep and then we could lie her down.  No one answered. I wanted to walk in but the red light outside the door was on, and I didn't want to ruin it.  It took FOREVER. I listened on the other side of door and when I heard them say, "Ok we can go get mummy", I Just walked in. The tech said "wow, she is really strong" I ripped my dress a bit more and got my boob out to sooth her. Andrew looked at me like it hadnt gone well.  Apparently, the table got stuck and then it wouldn't move in the machine... and it took long and A was kicking Andrew hard out. He even said she was in a rage. I mean, she hates being restrained in a  car seat (for first few minutes) never mind having her arms, legs and head held down!
This was before the cat scan. I was nervous (phone pic)

She wasn't!
In our room waiting for results. I had laid down on that bed and kept nursing her. I was probably empty but I didn't have her solids and she was hungry..and Tired. It was 11 pm.
CT scan came back fine and we were given instructions and sent home. We got home at midnight. Andrew made us some food quickly and I got her in jammies and nursed her to sleep in our bed. ANd she stayed in our bed. We made sure she was ok throughout the night. Andrew left at 4 Am to go back to work. Anika and I slept in...on and off.
This is from the top of the stairs she fell down.

the stairs are hard wood and the bottom is lament floor on top of concrete.

View from the bottom. Piri is where Anik would have been ...
When I took these pics this AM, I was holding A. I started to get emotional and I decided to tape the scene. Now that I am posting this, it may seem weird, but I made it, loaded it, and so may as well show you. Just being down there again was hard and Ido start crying, but I also couldn't really talk. I called the concrete cement and I flubbed a few other things, like ca called the stairs hard wood floors, but they are obvi not floors  just hard wood stairs. you get the point.

We are sooo lucky and so blessed. I just cant believe she walked away with a bump, but I am grateful and I hugged that little girl a long time this morning...well, as long as she would let me until she squirmed out.
PS. she did wake up with a wicked runny hose this morning. Ugh. Already sick from that place.
And the pic above is from the weekend. HOw she spent most of Sunday. Up against that door looking outside and talking to the dog, or any other animals out there. She would walk side to side along the glass door. NO fear. Just none and It scares the living shit out of me. I know this may sound dramatic to some, but writing last night helped me cope...and today I still feel guilt and I still feel a bit shaken up, but IM better. I know I feel better for many reasons, but one is being able to express it all.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

LAST weekend Review-LOTS of Pictures

This is long overdue. I have so many things I want to post about, but just don't seem to have the time.  I also have been lacking motivation to post because I just don't feel like people are reading anymore...basically since I moved sites. Maybe it is because I am boring now.  Who knows. BUT, I am forcing myself to post, because if nothing else- I want all these things recorded for my own memories.
The other posts I have in mind coming up have to do with milk- yes, milk. I have been obsessive about milk and researching it a lot lately-as well as other foods.  I also started reading a book about positive discipline. Anika is extremely mobile now and into EVERYTHING. I am trying to figure out how to deal with these toddler behaviors she is exhibiting even though she is still young. I am sure her mind is not up to speed with her body?
Anyway- that is all for other posts and hopefully I find time this week.
LAST weekend, we went to the twins' first birthday party.  I forgot my camera but got a pic on my phone of Anika playing with her cousins.

You can only see one of the boys in this pic. 
On Saturday we went to the all day NZ day, as I mentioned in my previous post.

My SIL was smart to bring along the pack n play to keep the busy kids in one spot, if needed.

Anika with her nz shirt on, although it had food all over it after her lunch.
We watched daddy and uncle D play a game of rugby. Daddy has not played in 5 years but he did quite well!  Very fast guy, he is.

Andrew is the one crouching over

Rugby is a pretty hands on sport. Lots of physical contact.  OUCH! Andrew thinks he broke a rib....

There are lots of moves like this.

After a tackle?

Uncle D taking one of Many breaks :)

A scrum?

The NZ team above.  WE WON!! It was against the "Americans" although the American team consisted of a lot of guys who play on rugby leagues. There were Americans on the NZ team as well. There was actually a guy who was actually a NZ allblack many many years ago! People told Andrew he should play on one of the leauges, but the games are far from where we live,  and with his work schedule, it would never work :( I wish it would because I think it is great for him! He is so good! And, it is great for Anika to see him doing it.

Anika and Andrew At the Hangi after the game.  There were so many people there and it was a gorgeous day. A kiwi man hosts the event every year at his house. 
Me and one of the twins. I needed my sling because he is heavy! I had an Allblacks jersey on earlier in the day, but it was just too hot!

My BIL gave a little speech before we ate.  The host asked him to. My BIL has the gift of public speaking. His best man toast is still talked about to this day. The host (on the left) in typical kiwi fashion, just put a suit jacket on over his rugby outfit to spruce up!

My necklace is from NZ. Andrew gave it to me when we were dating. It is made of paua and has a carved koru in.
Also, I am wearing green stone earings (aka: nz jade).
There were lots of kids to play with. One of the little girls asked me why the twins had no shoes or pants on! Lol. I told her to ask their mom. The girl asked my SIL and she said because they were too hot. I told her because they were bogans. THAT same girl asked me how I knew Anika was a girl. I said because she has pink on. Then she asked how I knew she was a girl to PUT the pink clothes on her.  I responded that she had girl parts. The girl asked me how I knew she had girl parts, and I told her to ask her mom.

This is when they were taking food out of the hangi. It had all been put in the ground early that morning. They do this in Hawaii too.

Potatoes, onions, yams, turnip, squash and lamb. It was all very juicy, tender and good.
Then on Sunday we went to my Grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary party. We got there early to help set up.

I made this! Apple Cider in a pumpkin. I put Cinnamon sugar on the rims of mason jars. There were sliced apples in the pumpkin. There was spiced rum on the side to add :)

And Cinnamon sticks in the glasses.

Rum to add...and I got the idea from Pinterest...picture below is from Pinterest
Anika ready to get her party on.
Got that bottle cap from Etsy and added it to a bow.
Before the guests arrived.
One of the pumpkins I made.  It was a perfect fall day on the lake.

Anika and her cousins.

Although, I am not looking in this pic- and I am stuffing my face...when I saw this pic of me, I could actually see that my weight is coming off (although slowly).  Those boots I have on- they stopped fitting at the end of November last year when I was pregnant...and I wasn't swollen (EVER)..just fat.  I was excited to get back into them.

My mouth was full :)

My niece took this. It was me in front of my Gram's wedding dress with her veil on :) I was holding a picture of my Gram and Grampa on their wedding day.  My gram has a manikin in her hall that she dresses up for different seasons. HA- the weekend before, my Gram and I attempted to put the wedding dress on the manikin, but IT WOULDN'T Fit. My gram was SOO skinny. SHe weighed less than 100 lbs when she got married so we had to just hang the dress instead.

Monday, Andrew had to work :( But, I didn't :)
Anika and I went to the fair with my mom, Gram and niece.  Anika loved looking at the animals. Horses, cows, goats, chickens, bunnies, etc.

That yellow sweater was mine  :) Someone made it for me, and now Anika gets to wear it :) I had to pair it with pink so she wasn't mistaken as a boy.
Gram and Ani.

First pony ride!

First time riding in the Ergo on my back. I have to say- I cant get her in the Ergo alone- I always need help. I wish it was easier. She also rode in the BOB most of the time.

Tuesday, Anika discovered the dishwasher.  On Wednesday, I found her with one leg up on it...and stuck....trying to get a knife out of the utensil thing. Since then, she is everywhere. It amazes me how active she is. 

oh, whoops the picture below must have gotten out of order. THat is Andrew shaking hands with some guy he played rugby with.

AND- that was our weekend- LAST weekend. This weekend we went to a baby shower.  I also  used my new steam mop and played with my little buddy, A LOT. We went to sushi Friday night and Anika sat in her high chair the whole time. She was an angel, which was nice.  Sometimes she gets antsy. We also went grocery shopping and Andrew's mouth dropped when he saw the prices of the organic foods I buy. He knew we were going that route, but usually he is not with me to witness it :) 
 Saturday night, Andrew and I went out to dinner with a friend of mine and her husband. It was kind of last minute. I didn't want to leave Anika, but we ended up having fun. We went early so we were at my parent's picking her up by 8.  It was a Japanese steakhouse where they cook the food in front of you.  We rode with my friends and then Andrew drove after that, so I had a couple stiff drinks.  Anika was sleeping when we picked her up, slept the whole way home and went right to bed when we got home. THEN, she woke up 2 hours later...and wanted to nurse, but I didnt want to nurse her since I had drank earlier...I tried giving her water and a bottle of goats milk..but no- she watned me. She was PULLING my shirt and sucking my face hard out (She does that when she wants to nurse).  Basically, we were up with her for 2 hours and it was torture. Andrew didnt know what to do because we never have to deal with that.  I told him to deal with her- it was NOT our best hours. Thank God when she woke up again at 4, I was clear to feed her. She may not be really into nursing during the days these days, but she lives for night time nursing. So note to self- Let her sleep at Noni's when I want to drink heavily again :) 
Today, we were supposed to go apple picking but Andrew had to deal with some work stuff, so I really played with Anika all day. She just lights up and is so full of joy. She is SOO happy with herself these days and she just melts my heart with all her big smiles and "talking".  We never take baths, but we did tonight and it was quite fun.